Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
