I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
