dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
