Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
