i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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