I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
