The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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