She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We had to coat check the pizza.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
