thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You took a bar mat shot.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
