The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
