I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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