Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
