Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
