she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
