matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
there is puke in my bra ... again
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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