I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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