and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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