please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
