In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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