his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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