Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
