Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's rum buckets o'clock
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
