Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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