they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
