Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
