hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
