he wants to bone in the snuggie
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
