she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
