just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
