this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Just puked most of my soul out..
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
