so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize