i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
