there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
