Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
it's not cheating when I paid for it
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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