He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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