You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
