If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
