just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
