I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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