I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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