She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
