So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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