I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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