Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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