i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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