Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
