Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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