if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
This is not my ceiling
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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