you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
