Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
