Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
