wanna go halves on a baby?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
