TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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