so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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