so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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