Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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