Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
