I haven't been this sober since birth.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she peed on how many people?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
