just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
