i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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