i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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