two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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