Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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