i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
