I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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