There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
