so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
