apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
