You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
