wakey wakey hands off snakey
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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