Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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