Is it because I queefed?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
