She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
