We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
