Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
