Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
