i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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