STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
