YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
