He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I deserve this hangover.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
