I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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