6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
