To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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