I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
