im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I think my moral compass just broke
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
