You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
