Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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