halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
