we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
