i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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