You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize