I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
