Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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