You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
