Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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