We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
