oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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