I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
