I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize