my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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