Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
