the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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