I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Life is so much better after having sex.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
