do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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