I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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