If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I wear drunk well.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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