I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize