drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
