so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
